The girls were restless tonight and I really wanted to get them out of the house. Our usual parks are always very busy and Jael's blood counts are way down so they were out. I remembered a park in Port Orange near ball fields that only ever had a small handful of kids playing at them when we went.
We had so much fun! Swinging on swings, sliding down slides. It was great. There are two parks. One for younger kids and one for older kids. Jael asked if we could go to the older playground area. There were a few boys playing there, as well. After some swinging on the big swings Jael decided to go climb up the playground set where these boys were. When she got to the top they started staring at her head and I told them about what happened to her. One of the boys said, "ew." Then this one kid said very loudly, "Her head is disgusting." I instantly saw her joy get knocked out of her. She wanted to be held right away and we left. (We were planning on leaving anyways.) I told the boy that what he said was not nice and he tried to recover, but the damage was done. When we got in the car I said to Jael, "You know your head is beautiful." Her response, "Not it's not." I asked why and she said because of her owies! What??? I was totally convinced that she was unaware of her physical appearance through all of this. I kept telling her she was beautiful and she kept saying that she was not. I wasn't sure if she was completely understanding what she was saying so I asked her, "Do you think your head is disgusting?" And she said yes. I was shattered. I cried openly and told her that it broke my heart that she didn't think she was beautiful because of her owies.
I turned the music up and called Jess to recount the story. While telling her Jael joyfully yells from the back seat, "My head is beautiful mommy!" :-) Not sure if she was trying to say what I wanted to hear...I just hope that she believes me. I've said it a hundred times since then and will say it a hundred times more. Cancer sucks. Stealing my daughters confidence in her beauty long before she should even be aware that it matters to this world.
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6 comments:
Barb I cried when I read this. This will be on my prayer list. Kids can be so creul! We like Fireman Park beachside in Ormond Beach never other children there and there are two playsets nice cool breeze adn covered play area
i want to come back there find those boys, tell their mothers and spank them. How horrible. I would be horrified if I knew my child would ever speak like that to another. that girl is beautiful. As a matter of fact, I don't even see her cancer when I am with her. I dont see her owies when I am with her. I see her. All of her...which all of it is beautiful
Next time you come to play in Port Orange let me know...my boys have been praying for Jael as much as we have and I know that they would have stood up for her in a heart beat!!
And you know what? It's NOT fair that she has to worry about it this early at ALL...but God is giving her an amazing story to tell as her testimony to PROVE that He has a purpose for her in this world. We're not all meant to be supermodels on the outside...she's got a beautiful heart and that will show LONG after her hair has grown back in over her scars!
I was just about to go to bed and I saw your comment. I am sorry you are going through this too, its so hard. Did you know I am in Gainesville, FL also??? I didn't know if you caught onto that I don't think its on my profile. Perhaps I will see you in the infusion room soon..how many months or years of chemo does she have to have?
Lol that comment from Suzen is me..I am doing work on her blog for her and forgot to sign out of her account. My bad!
I just read this and it is heartbreaking to see your baby hurt by someone else's cruel words or actions. It is the same feeling for any child who is sick/ not sick, too small/too short, too skinny/ too fat,...We cannot CONTROL our surroundings or our children but we INFLUENCE them daily and that is what will matter in the long run:). Those boys comments hurt her for a minute BUT she is always surrounded by such a positive INFLUENCE that she is able to wipe her tears, rethink it, and get over it...and that is a hard life lesson and a precious gift that you give to her. You are doing a wonderful job. xoxo mel
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